The Real Sh*t: September 2013

I came across an article yesterday titled "The Unofficial Goldman Sachs Guide To Being A Man." Despite the fact that I know way too many males who could learn a lesson or two from this guide, I realized a guide to being a lady wouldn’t be such a bad idea either. We live in a society that has put a certain perception into young women’s minds that being a lady means “not giving a shit” or dressing like Miley Cyrus. Now I’m no Kate Middleton by any means, but I’ve decided to create a guide of how to be a lady (or at least try to be) in 2013. No one is perfect, but I think if a few more of us applied these guidelines to our lives, we'd have a whole lot more ladies and a whole lot less "bad bitches."

1.       There is a fine line between being overly confident to where it's obnoxious and letting yourself get walked all over, find it.

2.       Always have nice stationary, and always send hand written thank you notes.

3.       Never display your private life on social media.

4.       Never talk about money or what your father does for a living.

5.       Don’t smoke cigarettes in public.

6.       Know how to keep a secret.

7.       Let the world know how you feel through your actions, not the tattoo quotes you get on your body.

8.       Never chase after anyone.

9.       Never drink too much to where you don’t remember your night or you throw up on someone.

10.   Always choose the funnier less handsome man, over the handsome boring man. Looks fade, humor doesn't.

11.   Never make out in public. A kiss will suffice.

12.   Try to keep your heels on, no matter how bad your feet hurt.

13.   If you can’t walk in high heels, don’t wear them.

14.   Be patient, smile, and breathe, no matter how much someone may be annoying you.

15.   Dress for yourself.

16.   2 wardrobe essentials: A beautiful handbag and a great pair of shoes.

17.   People shouldn’t be able to tell you’re wearing face makeup.

18.   Fake eyelashes should only be worn on Halloween or a special occasion.

19.   Know how to order well at a restaurant.

20.   Always RSVP for a wedding or party.

21.   Follow the “one skin” rule. If you show cleavage, you shouldn’t show a lot of leg too. Vice versa.

22.   Stilettos and a bikini should never be worn simultaneously.

23.   You’re daily reading list should consist of more than just “Betches Love This” “Buzzfeed” and “Whatshouldwecallme”

24.   Try not to curse. If you must, limit yourself to once during a conversation.

25.   Never get back together with an ex. You broke up for a reason, and it will never be the same.

26.   A good argument comes from words, not physicality.

27.   “Please” and “thank you” should be in your everyday vocabulary.

28.   Never call or text someone after an excessive amount of alcohol has been consumed.

29.   Don’t cry in public.

30.   If you feel uncomfortable in a situation, remove yourself.

31.   Learn how to cook more than just Mac and Cheese.

32.   Take care of your body and health.

33.   Be polite to those who serve you.

34.   Don’t date someone who you wouldn’t be proud to introduce to your parents.

35.   In a work environment, be the first to arrive and the last to leave. Especially if you’re the youngest.

36.   Try not to talk bad about other people, no matter how much other people are.

37.   Stick up for yourself.

38.   The only appropriate time to raise your voice is at a sporting event.

39.   Never be the first or last person at a party.

40.   Always tip.

41.   There is a difference between confidence and bragging. Don’t be arrogant.

42.   Don’t be a follower. Unique is always better than boring.

43.   Sometimes saying nothing is better than saying anything at all.God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason.

44.   Know how to properly set a table.

45.   Don’t be the girl who can’t go to the bathroom without a friend.

46.   Your shoes are intended to stand on the floor, not the bar.

47.   Know how to be by yourself.

48.   Know how to decipher between what is worthwhile, and what is just a waste of time.

49.   Find a hobby and stick to it.

50.   Don't be indecisive. Know how to make a decision and stand by it.

51. Don't take selfies, and certainly don't take selfies posing half naked in the mirror and proceed to post it on instagram.

52. Seek respect, not attention.

53. A lady is never boring

54. Never take a nude picture and never send it to anyone unless you're an idiot. It will be seen by people and it will end up on the internet.

55. Never text on your cell phone at dinner. It can wait.

56. Never date a man who wears more jewelry than you do, or white rimmed sunglasses. Obviously.

57. Know how to host a fabulous party

58. If a man ever honks for you to come out to the car, don't walk out the door.

59. Some say expectations is the mother of disappointment. A lady still always has high expectations for herself and can handle disappointment.

60. It's OK to have a breakdown every now and then. Just do it in the comfort of your own home, preferably with no one to witness it.

61. Don't be afraid to ask questions about a menu.

62. Enjoy a good patio, and seek to find the best patios wherever you are.

63. You can be high brow, and still enjoy low brow activities.

64. Know what it is you want in life, and go get it.